Going away to college...

There's been a lot of talk about college lately. I don't like it. My life has been starting to change, and instead of steering it where I want it to go, i'm just passive in the passenger seat. Everybody asks what I would major in. I have a hard time answering that question. My dreams are impractical...or are they...

Screenplay attempt

I decided to post a rough draft of a screenplay that I was working on. If you decide to read this, please guide me through leaving a comment. I want to improve and expand this piece, and I need help.



The Ice is Melting
By Stirling Danskin


Tanner, a boy in his late teens, is walking down a path in the woods, the path leads to a large lace that is iced over. You can tell that it is late winter because of the melting patches of snow, and the thin layer of water over the ice. It is very early in the morning, probably about one o’clock, but the moon and abundance of stars illuminate the sky with a ghostly feel. Over the abundance of trees surrounding the lake, there is a gray glow of streetlights shining across the night. It gives the lake the feel that it’s secluded from the rest of the area. Tanner walks down the path very solemnly, occasionally, he takes in his surroundings with a look of reverence. As he walks, a girl appears behind him, following him closely. Tanner doesn’t notice, he keeps walking. Tanner reaches the edge of the lake, and he pauses. He looks up, and then with a heavy sigh, he lowers his head and walks out onto the lake.

Tanner: The Lake’s starting to melt you know.
(Beat)
Tanner: I know you’re with me right now.

Even after Tanner acknowledges Sarah’s presence, he doesn’t face, her or show that he is talking to her at all with his body language. An observer wouldn’t be able to tell that he even knew she was there.

Sarah: It’s beautiful out here

Sarah trails behind Tanner, listlessly

Tanner: The most beautiful I could find.

Sarah: Please don’t come out here. What’s the point of it? It’s dangerous out here.

Tanner: haha…yeah…but, isn’t that one of the risks we take? To view this picturesque quality; to be a part of it. I have spent too long watching it just out of my vision. There is a fine line between seeing the detail, and having it blur. After seeing these vague…general outlines, I want to see what’s there!

Sarah: So…you think it’s worth it?

Tanner: I guess we’ll find out won’t we?..ha...fuck

They keep walking; the lake appears to be quite weak, although neither of them appears to notice, or care.

Tanner: Yes. It is.

Sarah: Worth it?

Tanner: Yes, It’s intoxicating…I don’t think that I’m even thinking straight right now…which is probably the only reason I’m out here right now. Ha…but look at it…I think it has some sort of hold over me. Everything that’s beautiful in this world, it has its own power against me, I’m held at the whim of every beautiful thing around me.

Sarah: I can’t say that sounds like any way to lead your life.

Tanner: No…Goddammit, it’s pathetic. You wouldn’t fucking understand. That’s the only way that I can get through. In all this turmoil around me, I need something there. Just one thing that I can focus on. My world is rocking around me, I need you there……

Sarah: Tanner…The ice is melting, you shouldn’t be out here.

Tanner: It’s beautiful….we’re almost at the center…I have this feeling, deep in me…This moment will only become more beautiful once I can stand at the center of the lake. Sarah, look at the sky…I swear…I swear Sarah, this is what heaven will look like…Look at the ice Sarah…am I the only one…the only one that feels privileged to be out here? To have it hold me up like this? To support me? It’s beautiful Sarah…why can’t you find it beautiful…you won’t even look will you?
The ice can be heard cracking

Sarah: Tanner! I know you heard that! Tanner! Do you have to be doing this! Please Tanner, I can’t save you….I won’t save you…please Tanner…

Tanner: It’s too late Sarah…can’t you see the moon in the ice?

Sarah: No…I can’t. All I see is you beneath the ice…Tanner go home, don’t put me in this position. I never thought that it would come to this.

Tanner: I’m sorry Sarah, I’m sorry…

Tanner keeps walking, slower now, it seems to be more of a struggle at this point. Sarah stops, and watches Tanner. Slowly, she fades out, and Tanner doesn’t notice, he keeps walking. The ice can be heard cracking louder at this point. And visible cracks start to appear.

Tanner: We’re at the center Sarah! Sarah! I told you it was worth it, It’s beautiful Sarah, it’s beautiful!

Tanner is looking up at the stars, he still doesn’t notice that Sarah isn’t there.

Tanner: Sarah?

He turns, and notices that Sarah isn’t there. The ice is now severely cracked underneath him.

Tanner: (screaming) Sarah!

As Tanner screams the ice completely breaks underneath him, and he falls through the ice. He reaches out, but there is nothing. As the pitch blackness closes in around Tanner, he can no longer even see the single pair of footsteps leading to his demise. With plenty of fight still left inside of him, Tanner no longer struggles, and instead succumbs to the cold embrace of what lies beneath the surface.

indecisiveness

Been a while since I've posted one here. Whatever. This might as well be a diary considering I'm the only one that reads it. And I don't care. I'd just as soon have no one read it. So, Just last week, I guess I made the final decision. I made the school musical. That's not what matters though. What that means is I'm not playing lacrosse this year. I played lax my freshman and sophomore years, and went to a couple of different camps. My whole life has been one of indecisiveness, and therefore I played a variety of sports my whole young life, because according to my dad that's what real boys do, and therefore that's what I had to do. I started playing guitar because that's what my sister did, and the studio had an opening that was offered to me. Who was I to say no when confronted? I played trumpet because that's what the majority of my fellow elementary schoolers did also. I still play the trumpet because to stop playing it, would be a form of.....change in my life?rebellion? i don't know. As I've grown up, I've managed to become mediocre at a lot of stuff. It's like the bread and butter theory. If the bread represented my talents and skills, and the bread represented the activites i participated in. I'd be not enough butter spread over too much bread. I'll finish this post later.

The Pursuit of originality

as life grows longer, life grows jaded. As we keep walking through life, does not everything start to become the same. Repetition dulls the senses until we are walking through a bland haze. For the finest of pleasures in life are only fine for as long as they are new to us. Therefore, should not the pursuit of hapiness go hand in hand with the pursuit of originality? Does not life then turn into a never ending quest for something that differently appeases us?....until that is then cast into our subconcious as something we have and no longer something of which we desire.

I am now sitting here writing my research paper that's due for history tommorow. Tommorow also happens to be the last day of school (1/2 day) before christmas break. It's interesting the way that's set up, because most of my other teachers seem to have given up on teaching this close to break, but Eudy made the biggest paper of the year due the day before break. It makes it seem almost as if we have to earn the break. I feel like as soon as i finish the paper break will start, it is the final trial in this journey I have thus endured. Whatever. For Christmas I'm probably getting a four track. We want to start actually getting somewhere with making music, so I figured that could get us pointed in the right direction. We just need some demoes down.
And so as another dreary day pulls to a close, by looking back on what happened to ourselves can we start to piece together this jumble and clatter of mismatched ideas of hate/love?

Beauty/Pain

What is beauty? What is Love? What is the good in this world? Is it merely the absence of pain? Because there is no such thing as love without hate, how can a person experience beauty if they’ve never known pain in their life? Beauty is realative. So does that then make beauty the absence of pain? A person that is constantly in a state of sweet bliss knows not that they are, because that they have nothing to judge their experiences against. Is everything beautiful that happened to you, beautiful on its own, or is it only beautiful when measured against the banalities and failures of everyday life? But then take that person that’s in the constant state of beauty, what if they were not always like that; let’s say that they entered upon this utopia roughly halfway through their life. Up until the point where they entered this state, they had experienced pain, so that means while this utopia was new to the person it meant more to them than it did after a year of being in it. Therefore if that logic is sound, then the interpretation of beauty can in cases be extended to say that beauty is the absence of pain while it is still new to a person. If beauty is constant, than it becomes jaded in the human mind, and it desires something even grander. Therefore in life, it is necessary to experience pain if you want your life to be beautiful. Every downfall and every setback, rejection and disappointment is only there to add to the grandeur of the beauty that shall eventually come. But that brings up even more points, if beauty is the absence of pain, then that means that there is a state of no pain at all in which there is 100 percent beauty, but of course that is impossible…Unless you look to the Buddhist beliefs of Nirvana, which I won’t, and don’t care to mention in this note. In all practical senses, it is impossible. This leads to my next point, if for everything good that happened to you, there was something bad that equaled it out that would mean that your life is mad up of 50% beauty 50% pain. I don’t believe that. That would be taking it a little far; it’s bound to be unequal. But the thing is, a person with a higher percentage of pain in their life will savor that beauty all the more, and it will be worth much more to them. Because they have less of it, it is more valuable, and maybe in that case everybody experiences the same amount of beauty in their lives, just in different amounts.

My Blog

This blog was born out of me writing poetry, and Kevin Schlink opposing me posting it on Facebook. And so, in the deep Winter, this blog shall break through the icy restraints of social code and delve deeper than the snow can bury. Like a fire spreading across the tundra both burning yet at the same time bringing warmth and hope, this blog shall enlighten and rebirth those who read it.